MENTAL HEALTH

Days 14 - 17

Controlling Your Ruminations

Setting a Daily Rumination and Worry Time

It can feel enormously enticing – almost compelling – to let yourself get carried away by trigger thoughts when they crop up. Trigger thoughts can often be about real problems, challenges and difficulties, which do require thinking to solve. We need to think the whole thing through to gain some insight and to find the best answer. Perhaps our boss has real anger management issues that make us scared and uneasy. Maybe we have to choose an educational course or career path and apply within a deadline. Maybe our spouse has been unfaithful and left us disappointed and betrayed.

We have to address these challenges. We cannot stop the thoughts appearing altogether, nor can we control when they appear, but we can limit how much we think about them. Lengthy daily ruminations do not lead us to more clever solutions than those we could have found in a shorter time. Our boss will not get any kinder just by us ruminating about them for ten hours a day. We will probably not come to a better course decision by continually mulling over the options. We can’t turn back time to before our partner was unfaithful. These excessive ruminations rarely lead to any clarity, but often to greater confusion.

Instead, we should set aside a rumination and worry time: a limited period of time in which we are allowed to analyse our problems. Many people choose to have their rumination and worry time when they are sitting in the car on the way to work, when cooking a meal, or after the children have been put to bed. Choose a limited period of time that is convenient for you and your family, and preferably not just before bedtime. A good time for many is from 8 to 9pm.

During the rumination and worry time we can analyse our thoughts, feelings, problems, and worries. If we come across trigger thoughts before 8 pm, then we should leave them be. We can of course acknowledge that they are there, but we should practise leaving them be. If we suddenly discover that we have let ourselves get carried away by a trigger thought and we are well into the swing of ruminating before 8pm, then we should decide to get off the thought train, let the thoughts be and avoid ruminating until 8pm. Some days we will probably discover that we have to force ourselves many times to get off the train. It takes time to change our control system.

Rumination and worry time is not obligatory. If we don’t feel up to ruminating on any given day, we should postpone the ruminations until the next day’s rumination and worry time. If, on the other hand, we have so many ruminations that we feel we can’t deal with them all in the set rumination and worry time, we should not extend our period of rumination to try to deal with them. They should be left until the next day.

The Metacognitive Assistant Will Remember the Important Thoughts

‘What if I forget what I am supposed to be ruminating about?’ Do we risk forgetting important thoughts during the day if we let them go now and avoid processing them until our rumination and worry time? Should we write a short note to ourselves about trigger thoughts so as to remember them? No, we shouldn’t. You should not be afraid of forgetting your trigger thoughts. If they are important enough – and a trigger thought by definition is one which concerns something emotionally significant – then our metacognitive assistant will do the work for us and bring the thoughts to our attention at your next rumination and worry time.

Our metacognition is set up in such a smart way that we automatically remember the crucial challenges in our lives. If we have the thought ‘Do I really want to do my job?’ then we can easily remember it at 8pm. If we have forgotten it by 8pm, then it probably wasn’t that important.

Gradually, you will find that you benefit more from having a limited rumination and worry time, as well as experiencing more positive feelings, a better mood and a better night’s sleep. Perhaps you will even discover that most problems solve themselves and only the most important require attention. Often people find that they overcome depression and despondency solely by limiting their ruminations.

How Much May I Ruminate?

Many people ask how much they may ruminate if they want to avoid depression and reduce their anxiety. It is difficult to set a limit. This depends to a great extent on how much we believe that we can stop ruminating. Our belief in our own control is crucial for how much distress we feel. However, if we are so convinced that we have control over our ruminations that we allow ourselves too much time to dwell because we can always stop when we decide to, our ruminations can easily run amok. It's generally recommended to limit your rumination and worry time to an hour a day at the most if you want to be free from depressive and anxious symptoms. That also applies even if you feel a great benefit from ruminations or have important decisions to make, such as: ‘Which course should I take? Should I accept the job offer? Should we get married? Am I ready to have children?’ Some mega-ruminators think of all the pros and cons for years in order to come to the ‘best’ decisions, when the same decisions could be made in less time and with much less thought.

From: Live More Think Less by Pia Callesen (Chapter 3)

Dealing with Trigger Thoughts Outside Your Rumination and Worry Time

Setting a rumination and worry time means that if trigger thoughts hit at 10am then you must say to yourself that you cannot analyze them until 8pm. Remember, a trigger thought is any thought that causes emotional pain and suffering. If you find that you have boarded the thought train outside of your rumination and worry time, then you must jump off again and postpone dealing with the thoughts until the rumination and worry time.

Thankfully, there are numerous techniques available to help you create a healthy distance from troublesome thoughts and emotions that might pop up outside your rumination and worry time. Here are some strategies to ease overthinking:

1) Putting a label on your overthinking: Ask yourself from time to time, “What am I doing in my mind right now? What kind of thinking is this?” Acknowledge the thought and move on with your day by turning your focus to something else.

What not to do: Don’t beat yourself up if you notice that you are worrying or dwelling on negative events.

2) Question the purpose of your overthinking: Ask yourself, “Is overthinking this problem actually helpful? Am I finding solutions?” If the answer is no, make a conscious decision to stop.

What not to do: Don’t spend the next hour contemplating this question. If overthinking isn’t helpful in that moment, decide to postpone doing that until later.

3) Postpone thinking about your problems until later that day: Decide to postpone worrying about your problem for your set rumination or worry time at, for example, 6pm.

What not to do: Sometimes the problems we try to postpone worrying about keep reappearing in our minds. Don’t use that as an opportunity to start worrying again. Keep postponing.

4) Pay attention to what you are doing externally: Shift your focus back to the activity you were doing before you started worrying or ruminating (for example, working, cleaning, studying, reading, talking, staring out the window, relaxing) and concentrate on that even though you still feel upset.

What not to do: Don’t begin a whole different activity with the hope that it will distract you and calm you down.

1) Put a Label on Overthinking

Becoming aware of overthinking (i.e. ruminating) is vital. Many people, especially those who feel down and depressed, overthink without noticing it. They can overthink for hours and still go through their daily activities without being aware of it.vMaybe this is you. You might be spending several hours a day thinking about problems at work, your relationship, children, your past, your finances, etc.

As soon as you recognize it, simply point it out to yourself. You can, for example, say to yourself, “I am overthinking. I am thinking about my past.” This will help you become more aware so you can stop.

Why this works: If you have been overthinking for months or years, chances are that you are not aware of how much you do it. This exercise helps to raise your awareness. When you recognize that you’re overthinking, you now have the choice to stop if you want to.

2) Question the Purpose of Your Overthinking

Some of us tend to believe that thinking a lot about problems or emotions is the most helpful way of dealing with them. Perhaps you believe some of the following:

• Thinking about my problems will help me find answers.

• Worrying helps me be prepared.

• Understanding why I feel this way will help me get better.

The more you believe that overthinking is helpful, the more you will do it. Of course, there is nothing wrong with thinking about problems and worrying from time to time. But if the emotional consequences of overthinking outweigh the benefits, it’s time to take a look at your beliefs about overthinking.

Do you really believe that thinking about your problems over and over again, for hours on end, truly leads you to better solutions? If the answer is no, postpone your overthinking for later.

Why this works: Many of us cling to false beliefs about overthinking without ever questioning them. Understanding why you tend to overthink will empower you to challenge these beliefs and prevent wasting time and mental energy on overthinking. As soon as you notice you’re overthinking, ask yourself: “What am I trying to gain from thinking about this problem? Am I getting to any solutions that help me move on?”

3) Postpone Thinking About Your Problems Until Later that Day

Thinking too much about what to do and how to solve a difficult problem eventually leads to confusion and a low mood. The content of the problem you are thinking about does not matter, but the amount of time and energy you spend thinking about it will impact you negatively.

When you catch yourself overthinking, whether it is analyzing or worrying about your feelings or a problem, remind yourself, “I’m overthinking right now. I’ll save it for my rumination and worry time later today.” Then, continue with your day, and keep postponing until your designated worry time.

Why this works: The mind naturally handles negative thoughts and feelings on its own. With thousands of thoughts passing through our minds daily we don’t need to actively manage them. Postponing worries allows the mind to self-regulate in the background while we focus on our daily tasks. Because of this self-regulatory process, postponing worrying will help your mind filter away 80% of the content. By the time you get to your rumination and worry time, only the most important stuff sticks around, making it easier for you to solve problems and concentrate better.

4) Pay Attention to What You Are Doing Externally

It's crucial to stay mindful of your external actions, especially when you find yourself consumed by worry or rumination. When you notice your thoughts drifting into a negative spiral, gently redirect your focus back to the task or activity you were engaged in before those feelings arose.

Whether you were working, cleaning, studying, reading, conversing, gazing out the window, or simply relaxing, gently guide your focus back to that activity. Acknowledge that it might be challenging to disregard the persistent thoughts clamoring for attention in your head, and remind yourself that you will address those thoughts during your designated rumination and worry time.

Why this works: By redirecting your attention to the activity at hand, you interrupt the cycle of rumination and prevent it from further intensifying negative thoughts and feelings. Engaging in a task or activity allows you to regain a sense of control and focus, providing a temporary respite from overwhelming thoughts and feelings.

Dealing with Strong Negative Emotions Outside Your Rumination and Worry Time

The reality is, you can accomplish anything no matter how you feel. Many people have achieved remarkable things despite experiencing anxiety, fear, anger, guilt, or shame. Whether it’s pursuing health and fitness goals, learning something new, changing their negative interactions in relationships, or altering mental habits, such as reducing constant worry, negative emotions do not have to limit you.

But does this then mean you should grit your teeth, push through, and accept living a productive yet miserable life?

No, and here’s why: Once people decide not to fight their negative emotions, they discover a secret: negative emotions don’t last long. Tension, stress, and irritation linger only when you’re actively trying to get rid of them. If you choose to act despite your emotions and move forward with life, positive changes occur, and your feelings improve.

Your brain makes sure to regulate your emotions for you, the same way your body constantly adjusts to maintain its core temperature.

This is the empowering message of Metacognitive therapy: how you feel doesn’t really matter, and you have full control over yourself, your behaviour, and how you choose to respond to negative emotions.

If you’ve been persistently attempting to avoid negative emotions and are busy trying to get rid of anxiety, sadness, anger, and insecurity, what has been your experience? Has it worked so far? Has the mental effort been worthwhile?

If your answer is no, perhaps it’s time to stop wasting your time and mental energy on trying to eliminate negative emotions. Because it doesn’t work.

In truth, the harder you try to control your emotions, the less likely it is to work. For example, try making yourself really happy for the next ten minutes. It’s tough, and once you stop trying, the happy feeling usually goes away.

What can you do about negative emotions?

When strong negative emotions arise, managing them involves a process very similar to handling trigger thoughts. Approach the emotion with the same strategies: observe it without judgment, redirect your attention to something else, and avoid dwelling on it. Treat the emotion as a passing mental event rather than something that needs to be analyzed or solved. This will allow it to lose its intensity.

1) Do nothing, which is the best strategy you can use whenever you feel distressed, angry, sad, nervous, hopeless, jealous, etc. Doing nothing means that you don’t try to get rid of the emotion or seek solutions to feel better. Instead, try to carry on with your day as if nothing has happened.

2) Shift your attention away from the negative emotion by focusing on a neutral or calming activity, like observing your surroundings or engaging in mindful breathing. Redirecting your mind to something that doesn’t involve evaluating or dwelling on your feelings, allows the intensity of the emotion to naturally decrease. You might find that it’s necessary to repeat this process multiple times.

3) Postpone the analysis of your emotions. When you experience a negative emotion, delay analyzing it and put off all efforts to feel better. You can set aside these activities for your daily rumination time. Instead, proceed with your planned activities, whether it’s socializing, studying, cleaning the house, shopping, or working on your business.

From: Metacognitive Therapy Central

Homework

Try to extend your mindfulness meditation practice to 10 minutes a day and set a daily rumination and worry time that is convenient for you. Remember, try to limit your ruminations to this time period. The target is a maximum of one hour a day to ruminate or worry, and at a time when you feel you can stick to – for example, late in the afternoon or in the evening. However, if you’re a big ruminator or worrier, you may need longer than one hour a day. This is fine. The goal is to gradually reduce the time to no more than an hour per day.

Optional Creative Activity

Worry Box

Supplies Needed: A small box, recycled container, or paper to make a box, scissors, ruler, small pieces of paper, and a variety of drawing materials.

Create a physical "worry box" using a recycled container, a small box, or by making one from paper. Decorate the box with symbols, colours, shapes, or images that represent your worries and recurring thoughts. On small pieces of paper, write or draw the worries and thoughts that tend to occupy your mind. Each time one arises, place it in the box as a way of symbolically setting it aside for later. Use the box to remind yourself that you are containing your worries and ruminations within a specific time. The box can also serve as a comforting visual reminder that your worries are manageable.